Oct 11, 2011

Feeling like a fool for not trusting

Waiting can be hard. The days can seem unending.  At times it seems as though we will be waiting forever. God placed a desire in my heart to adopt many, many years ago. I thought when we finally moved forward and started the process that the weight of that calling would be lifted. I was so wrong. It has only gotten heavier as I spend time learning more about God's heart for the orphan, viewing the pictures of children in need of families, and listening to countless stories of great need throughout the world.  

Earlier this spring, I felt a strong call to go and do work in another country this summer. I began praying for the details and then I dismissed the calling, hanging on to the thought that this July would bring a referral. That we would need the time and money to travel to our child instead of using it to travel for missions. I continued to lay out my reasons to God. What if? A referral comes and we have no time, what if it comes and we don't have enough money? What if my other children have to be left for several weeks this year?  I doubted. I tried to reason my time line with God, you know the one in control of my time line. Now sitting here in October I am feeling the fool. He didn't need for me to have enough time, money, or even well laid out plans for my children. He just needed me to say yes. 

That's where I am at right now in this wait: repenting and asking for forgiveness for questioning His sovereign plan and timing, clinging to Him as we continue to walk this journey, asking Him to continue to use us for His glory, and thanking Him for providing grace and mercy.

I took the above picture yesterday.
These 3 could not be anymore eager then they are right now to meet their new sibling. They are already in great anticipation of the arrival. They have grown so much in the past year. Their sweet little eyes have been opened. They are eager to follow where God leads. 
Their faith is strong and they are willingly.  
Oh, to TRULY have faith like a child. This is were I want to be and remain. 

Today I am reminded of the faith of generations past.
 Hebrews 11
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.
By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith. By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
By faith Abraham, even though he was past age--and Sarah herself was barren--was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.
If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned."Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.
By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.
By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.
By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions about his bones.

By faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king's edict.
By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.
By faith the people passed through the Red Sea
as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.
By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.

By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

1 comment:

Alison said...

Beautiful post! I can totally relate! The wait is long and hard but God is so faithful! Can't wait to watch His timing unfold!!!